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Kehler Counseling Blog

Does Your Family have a Gay Member? Does it Know it has a Gay Member?

We talk nonchalantly about 'the new normal' and for many families that is now including a recent admission of a person being gay.   For some reason it's approached as something 'new' - when in fact the issue has been part of family histories and secrets since the beginning of civilization.   

I will not get on a soap box - I just want to add to the quality of the conversation about having a gay loved one - whether related, a friend, co-worker, neighbor, professional - that if and when you are feeling 'uncomfortable' - start thinking about LOVE  - NOT sex!   That is where we go wrong - we get caught in the judgment trap that it's 'perversion' and begin the ball rolling that drags up shame, guilt, disgust - all negative experiences when we -I think -are finally - getting 'it' - that it's about LOVE.    When we define people by what they do in bed only - we are removing their souls and their value as loving spirits among us.   That is what is criminal.  Why have we discouraged love?    When we condemn and judge - we are doing just that.

If you believe in any spiritual belief system - the core is usually about love.  When we fall in love - we are actually duplicating the experience God has with us.  Our need for a supreme - Higher Power - is because we need and want the energy and passion that comes with love.  We conquer with love.  We are here to love.  To steal that experience from another is tragic and too often traumatic.    We are forcing them to have broken hearts - and if you have ever had one - lived through one - you know that is not something you want to deal with over and over!

I read an excellent book recently titled "The Perfect Family" that I'm going to encourage anyone related to or experiencing the newness of a revealed gay person in their lives.  This book reveals how complex, comprehensive and challenging the experience is to so many involved and affected.    It is eye-opening and revealing but in a very appropriate way.   It is a 'must read' for professionals - but also for anyone wanting a better understanding of the challenges.   

As a country we are shifting to allowing same sex love to be celebrated and endorsed - many families are realizing that it really is about love.  If you are even slightly curious about what they are managing - please read this book.  It's $4.99 on amazon - for Kindles - Paper copies are just over $15.   It is a very enlightening and appropriate 'share' for teens and adults.    

If you are struggling with this issue -please seek counseling - read on the Internet - Books - talk to the support groups that have formed to help support and guide family and friends through the process - that is lifelong.   
Here are some quick links:

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