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Kehler Counseling Blog

Grieving and Tidying . . .

If you have read any of my previous posts you know by now I'm a big fan of Marie Kondo's "Life changing magic of tidying up" best selling book.   Having gone through almost the entire process - only 'historical documents and photos' are left - but condensed to 2 totes. . . 
I want to encourage anyone male or female to try this process if you have had a significant loss or life transition in the last 5 years.   Some can handle it within 1-2 years of a loss - but most can't - but when you're 'ready' this process is probably one of the best strategies to do what will be 'life changing magic' in a very heart and soul warming way.   

I'm going to encourage those who have dealt with empty nesting, radical life changes and or the loss of anyone deeply missed to start the program.   It starts out with a visual journey of deciding what you want your environment to look and feel like - browsing  through home magazines or websites to create a visual of what you want to surround yourself with.  That's the first step - its reflective and creative in a quiet way.  See my previous entries for more details.  

 Once you have collected photos of what you want to have your home look like - then you begin the process by category.   I'm a broken record with that fact.  That is why her program works. 

You start with easiest sorting first - then build to more complex, emotional, and meaningful categories in a carefully progressive way.   You do not do this by place or room.    In fact, you will have to deal with some upheaval along the way because it is done in an order that means you have to put items aside while you complete previous categories.    Once you do a couple - you will see the WHY -it is 'magical'.   When you stick to category - your selection and 'discarding' process becomes very simplistic, focused and less fuzzy.  You sort by more specific foundations - that make it much more simple and less chaotic, confusing or frustrating.   When you go by room - you have to change the why to keep something by each individual category - shifting from multiple reasons - and usually end up giving up and either keeping more that you still will 'edit' again later or you will just give up -give in and never solve the real problem - clutter that sounds like noise . . . and disturbs your true internal peace.  

Grieving is a process.   It is the finding the 'YOU' after the loss of 'them'. . . unresolved grieving is when you can't seem to live without the other person because your own 'you' got lost in living in their lives.   "Good" grieving is learning to get back to your own YOU.   This process of 'tidying' is an active process to do exactly that.    One object at a time - you decide if it reflects YOU.  One object at a time you decide 'does this reflect my 'now' life??   I used that thinking as I moved through the process and found that extraordinarily thought provoking.   I don't know about you but when you have been in the same place for a long time - but have evolved in life (let's HOPE YOU EVOLVED!) your environment contains a LOT of 'stuff' that reflects your 'old' self - NOT your NOW self - the new and improved self.   The WISE self.  The experienced self.  The self that has survived.   The self that has discarded the 'dumb' or 'drama' of being 'young and dumb' and yet surrounded by the clothes, gadgets, collections, decorations, colors, furniture, books, stacks of nonsense that no where near reflecting the WHO you are NOW.    I bet it reflects the 'you' of at least a decade ago.   For many my age it may even reflect 20 years ago!   
So if you're going through a life transition - now is the time to use this process to free your 'old' life - the 'you' that was attached to 'them' and create an environment that reflects the NOW you - the awesome, wise, experience, peace filled, serene you.    

It is worth every minute - must be done alone - but you will get to experience the 'life changing magic' that is the core of the process.   Join me TODAY!  


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